Improving the Mental Health of Multiples Starts with Individuality

Image of Thorin and Arwen showing their differences, captured for their fifth birthday by Kati Bolin, of K. Bolin Photography (Kati Bolin)

On top of the predominately negative narrative associated with twins and multiples, parents of multiples also cannot seem to stray away from misconceptions revolving around their children. It seems like the most common misconception with twins and other multiples is that each one is one in the same. Often with matching clothing and even nearly identical looks, multiples often get the stigma that their personalities are the same as well. The majority of parents of multiples, however, will tell a different story and state that no matter what they look like, multiples are almost always completely different and unique individuals. Their personalities can be as different as night and day and sun and moon. This includes having different learning styles, interests, and requirements for care.

Using #twinsaredifferent Twitter using parents of multiples often recite the numerous ways in which their twins act different and respond to situations with almost completely opposite approaches.

Parents of multiples and mutiples themselves use the #twinsaredifferent to raise awareness regarding the differences between multiples. (Screen shot of Tweets captured by Summer Mincks)

Dr. Joan Friedman, PhD., often uses her platform as a world-renowned twin expert and psychologist to explain the roles that twins, and multiples have regarding personality traits and mental health. Dr. Friedman not only gains fantastic insight with her degrees in Psychology and growth and development but also from personal experience as a twin herself as well as a mother of twins. Coupling her personal background with her education Dr. Friedman has worked her way to being one of the world’s top experts in twins and their growth and development. In her book The Same but Different: How Twins Can Live, Love and Learn to be Individuals, she discusses how often twins feel isolated or even occasionally resentful of their twin. This resentment often stems from the constant power struggle with finding individuality. This can often be placed on the children by their parents, but more often it comes from the daily narrative they face from the outside world. Her books highlight how to increase the health and happiness of twins and multiples by encouraging growth and uniqueness.

Dr. Barbara Klien, PhD, EdD, a nationally ranked authority on the growth and development of twin children and adults, furthers this sentiment of potential resentment between siblings in an article that she has written for Psychology Today. She further discusses the topic and the best ways to benefit the mental health of twins and multiples in her projects and books, such as Twin Dilemmas: Changing Relationships Through the Lifespan.

In a recent Facebook post by the MSU Twin Registry, Dr. Klein is quoted as stating, "For the serious twin onlookers who idealize twinship, I want to totally eradicate the myth that being a twin is easy. Being a twin is very challenging and an intense training ground for building close relationships. Twin relationships teach the value of emotional intimacy and actual physical closeness. While it is difficult to find and create a closeness that is authentic, twins know more about how to be close than non-twins. Unraveling closeness is the birthright of twins."

MSU's Facebook page promotes an article written by Dr. Barbara Klein, regarding her take on the psychology of twin closeness. (Screenshot captured of Facebook feature by Summer Mincks)

Resentment and frustrations between sets of twins can be seen frequently within the media and even celebrities are prey to struggle with intense sibling rivalry and bonding. In a recent Google+ post popular Nigerian singer and member of the group P-Square, Paul Okoye, made headlines with the singer didn’t invite his identical twin, and band mate to the birthday celebration of his own twin girls. Siting differences the band has broken up and reportedly the twins no longer speak.

Even the famous Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, arguably two of the most popular celebrity twins in the world, have struggled with numerous issues regarding their personal identities from eating disorders to other mental illnesses. Though the two remain extremely close, it is obvious that the two have struggled throughout the years with celebrating their own individuality or being considered as a separate being outside of the “Olsen Twins.”

So, what can the community do in order to foster healthy and happy multiples? The answer is actually quite simple.

Treat them as individuals.

Adda and Aela sit on the same platform, their difference in height and personalities being showcased again. Captured by Kati Bolin of K. Bolin Photography. (Kati Bolin)

A study done by the University of Zurich, in Switzerland, has shown, using advanced MRI Technology, that no two brains are alike or function the exact same way, even among identical twins. Each brain functions with its own learning style, personality, and responses. What this shows is that no matter how much twins or multiples may look alike, they still are separate individuals.

The best thing that a community can do is allow each twin or multiple to function outside the world of being a multiple and encourage a functionality to respond and react in their own unique manner. One twin may like sports while the other prefers the arts. One may excel in all things math and sciences, while another may prefer the world of literature. The important thing is to allow each to make their own decisions and develop into being their own person.

Now this of course is not to say that the bond between multiples should be broken or tampered with in any way. A study featured in Psychology Today also suggests that twins with a healthy relationship actually live longer than people who have siblings or are an only child. It is no secret that the twin and multiple bond is unlike anything and something that is incredibly special.

Twiniversity, a site and social media presence created by best-selling author, Natalie Diaz, boasts a wide range of articles all showcasing this exact message. No matter how difficult it is and in order to foster a positive mental health, twins and multiples should not be compared and their differences should be not only embraced but encouraged. Doing so not only helps them to develop into healthy and well-rounded adults, but it also helps to limit things like rivalry and jealously between them.

Twins and multiples should be encouraged to work within their bond and enhance their closeness, but they also should be encouraged to move forward as unique and separate individuals outside of being a multiple.

Because no matter if they are identical, fraternal, or a mix of the two in the case of multiples, all twins and multiples want the same thing. To raise healthy and happy children that grow into healthy and happy adults.