Dear Alternative Mom, Here This is What You Need To Do For Your Children

Dear Alternative Mom,

I see you. The one with the tattoos, piercings, potty mouth.

With your black clothes and dark makeup, sticking out like a sore thumb in a crowd. You are seen and you are heard about.

“You know, the one with the wild hair?”

Or maybe the comments are more general.

“That goth mom…”

“That hippie mom…”

“That yoga mom…”

You are seen and you are spoken of. You don’t fit in with the other moms. You know, the sports moms, the PTA moms, the church moms. You struggle to talk to them and relate to them.

You’re awkward. And maybe if you aren’t coming across as awkward you’re coming across as aggressive or even abrasive because frankly, you don’t know how to act around them, and really, you’re afraid.

You are so afraid of being judged or accused, or maybe even laughed at, or worse…your kid will be.

So, you hide it. You take out the body jewelry, zip up the jacket, pull down your sleeves to hide your ink, and the most difficult of all, you change who you are, because ultimately, mothers don’t act like that.

How do I know all this?

Because I’ve seen you, I’ve heard of you, and I am You.

I’m an alternative mom.

And for so long I worked so hard not to be.

After having children, society told me that good moms looked and acted in a specific way because that was the only way to raise children.

So, I changed, and I changed hard, worse off, I played the part very well. And a few things changed with it.

I fit in easier. I was more approachable. In general, things were easier.

But not internally, because other things changed as well.

I was less confident. I was less myself, and worse, I was less happy.

But I was a better mom, right.

Right?

Then one day, it finally hit me.

My kids didn’t need the mom in the pink t-shirt and blue jeans, or the mom with the squeaky-clean mouth and they certainly didn’t need the mom that was working so hard to fit into the incredibly cramped box of what mother’s “should be”, that she was losing herself in the process.

Because here’s the thing, you, my dear, the one who doesn’t fit the mold, the one who can’t help but stand out, YOU are the only one that can truly raise your children.

You were given these little ones for a reason and you are the only one that can parent them the way that you are meant to. When they first see your face, they don’t fall immediately in love with a perfect person, because in their eyes, your imperfections and flaws are what make you perfect to them. The beauty of children is that they see you, mama, an imperfect person, perfectly.

This beautiful, wonderful magic of motherhood, it’s called grace, and Mama, it’s time to give yourself some.

If you’ve ever felt that your children needed something other than an alternative mom, it’s time we call society on their bullshit, mama. Because all you really need to do for your children is to love them, and love yourself, all your cracks and flaws, you in your entirety.

Your babies do not need a perfect textbook mom. They need you, and more importantly, they need you to love yourself so that you can not only love them but also to teach them to love themselves and others, imperfections and all.

And let’s face it, we all are alternative moms. Each and every one of us has struggled to shape ourselves into a box in hopes it would make us better mothers. Every single one of us mamas has something different about them, and I’ll tell you what: It simply makes us that much more wonderful, and more importantly, it makes us even more perfect for our own children.

So, to all the alternative moms out there, I see you, I’ve heard about you, and most importantly I love you.

And that includes everything that makes you an alternative mama.

Love,

Me