Become an I'll Think About It Girl.

It seems that the trend for a long time was to become a “yes person”. Become someone who says yes to things. Yes to adventure! Yes to getting out more! Yes to change!

This was especially encouraged for women. We were told that for too long we were stifled or stuck in our ways. We had become complacent to just be. Saying a big fat YES to anything that came our way was how we could develop into something more!

And that was fine. We were learning to tackle challenges and explore new horizons. We were becoming more social and spent more time working on ourselves.

We were volunteering at our kids' school while changing our diets. We were working full time, while meal prepping organic and eco-friendly foods and calendar planning. Then we spent our evenings at the soup kitchen volunteering, then we spent Thursday nights at book club, and Friday nights were date nights. And of course we were at every PTA event, and we never missed a work meeting. Then we made sure to walk the dog. We stopped yelling and cursing and we said yes to all the latest parenting trends from glitter time-out-jars to essential oils. Oh, and don’t forget we said yes to the latest makeup and fashion trends so we were looking just right, and of course, we rocked our husband's worlds when it came to the bedroom. And in our free time, we learned Latin and took rock climbing classes.

Ok, so maybe, we weren’t learning Latin, but it sure as hell felt like it.

But then we became overwhelmed. We became so apt to say yes to everything that we started taking on too much. We were so damn focused on pleasing absolutely everyone and being so close to perfect that we were back where we started…

Stifled, stuck inside a cyclone of chaos, all with a smile on our face, a fancy herbal, fat busting, immune boosting drink in our hands, and not a single clue who we really are.

Or worse, what really makes us happy.

No there's a newish trend. One that goes the opposite direction. The concept of saying “no.”

No, you can’t volunteer at your kids' school. No, you don’t need to work out. No, you weren’t rocking your hubby’s socks off. And No, you aren’t taking that stupid class.

Oh, and in the meantime, you tell Valerie at the PTA that she can shove it when she asks what the flavor of your 4 dozen cupcakes for the bake sale will be.

And we are becoming ok with saying “No.” We say no to the meal prepping, and no to the fancy pink drinks, and no to any other adventure that comes our way.

Because damnit, we’re tired.

We’re tired of stress, and the demands, and more so, sometimes we are just plain tired of life.

So we don’t take the adventure or the spur of the moment trip.

And No, we aren’t going to that new wine and paint class on Wednesday evenings, were we drink local wine and paint a pine tree in a snowy field, Susan!

We don’t try that new product that everyone loves, and of course, we say no to that new outfit at the mall that made us feel like our old selves, because, we just don’t know ourselves anymore.

But who is the old us? Who is the new us? What makes us happy?

So what do we do? If we are too tired to say yes but worried that saying no means we may miss out on something.

I find myself in this place. The weird in between. A world of constantly worrying about doing enough while at the same time worrying about wearing myself thin. Terrified of missing out on life because of the “what if’s” and at the same time dreading what will happen if I get too comfortable saying no.

If you’re like me and stuck in that rut, then I submit this challenge unto you as much as I submit it upon myself.

Try the “I’ll think about it” approach.

And no, *see, there’s that word again*, I don’t mean say “I’ll think about it” when you really won’t put any train of thought into it and will forget about it fifteen minutes into your car ride home.

I mean really, truly, put serious thought into it.

And when you’re thinking about it, I want you to put a few things into consideration.

1. How will it make you feel?

Will this add more stress to your day? Will it trigger your anxiety? Are you going to end up staying up till two am gluing glitter bows onto 28 miniature boxes and then making sure there are exactly seventeen jelly beans in each? Because we all know Kelly will have an absolute-fricken-cow if her kid gets one less piece of candy than the other kids. Or will this be fun? Will you enjoy it? Will it give you the opportunity to learn something about yourself? Deep down, how will it make you feel? Think about that before you lean any direction.

2. Do you have a reasonable time for it?

Is this something that really is going to take day’s worth of work, but you know you’re going to spend a few hurried and panicked hours working on the night before? Do you reasonably have time for it in your schedule? And then is it worth the time that is needed? By that I mean, is it worth it to YOU. Is it worth making time for and are you willing to prioritize it in a way that won’t leave you scrambling at the last second?

3. Could it open up a new door?

Could this bring you a new opportunity? Maybe get you out of your rut? Maybe it’s a healthy step outside of your comfort zone. Will this make you feel like yourself again, or maybe bring out a new and exciting you. One that you would be truly happy with. Make a pros and cons style list of things that will definitely happen, things that won't happen, and then make a list of the possibilities.

4. Is fear dictating your decision, in any way?

Is fear keeping you from saying yes? Are you afraid that if you say yes you may fail? Or maybe you’ll succeed and that’s just as scary? Or are you afraid to say no because you’re afraid of being judged or criticized for not being a perfect wife, mother, woman, employee, or something else? Is fear in any way dictating your decision and swaying you in any direction? If so, you need to take even more time to think about this. Fear has a huge way of ruling and sometimes even ruining our lives. And if fear is possibly dictating your decisions, there are bigger problems afoot then making it to the spring fundraiser. I urge you to tackle the reason for your fear, and better yet, look into why you may fear it, and think about how you could be missing out or stressing out.

5. Set a reasonable time frame to think about it.

This is more of a serious suggestion than a question. From the moment you say “I’ll think about it” set a reasonable time frame to do just that. Sometimes spur of the moment decisions can be a path to a great adventure, but sometimes it can leave us in a bind and even more stressed out than we’ve intended. When we say “I’ll think about it.” Or even “let me check my calendar” actually do that. Think about the task at hand and set an appropriate time goal for how long you should actually be thinking about it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with saying “let me sleep on it” or “give me a day or two”. Sometimes in our busy lives, we forget to give ourselves time, especially when it comes to something that could impact us in even the smallest ways. Depending on the size of the task at hand, set a reasonable time frame, one that fits the question, to think about it.

Over time I think we can all do a lot of good if we simply take time to think about how each of our decisions can affect our own peace of mind and our mental health. We can never go right if we say no to everything and we will burn ourselves out if we say yes to everything.

So if you find yourself overwhelmed from saying yes too much, or if you find yourself stuck in a rut from saying no all the more frequently, change your yes’s and your no’s, to "I’ll think about it".

The best way we can improve the lives of our families, others, and our community, is making sure that we are taking the time to improve upon ourselves.

And sometimes all that takes is a bit of thought. Take this blog post, read through it, and of course, think about it.